Loneliness is not good

January 13, 2013 — 16 Comments

Lonely man cc Ron Merk

The only thing God ever created that was not good was loneliness. – Pastor Randy Phillips

“It is not good for man to be alone.” Are the words of God in the book of Genesis. Loneliness is a terrible feeling.

And you can be around people, and be totally alone.

Have you ever felt lonely? Alone. Isolated from the world.

I can remember feeling this way several times as a child.

My mom and I were in some very tough spots when I was young. She was married to an abusive man, and did a great job protecting us from his violence.

When he would go into one of his rages, my mom would pack us up and we would be gone to one friend or another.

I’m thankful for those kind people, but those were some of the loneliest times in my life.

I was ashamed of being a burden.

So in the presence of people, I was alone because I was isolating myself.

Things that Isolate you to Loneliness

Self Isolation: It is easy to retreat from people when you are in pain, and depressed. You may feel like no one cares, so why bother anyone.
Betrayal: Destroyed trust is devastating, and drives people to loneliness.
Shame: Pride comes before a fall, and shame prevents repentance and rebirth.
Mobility: Families don’t stay in the same hometown anymore. People move, and leave the connections of the past.
Prison: Some of the loneliest people are those who have been separated from society. Some of the worst prisons are nursing homes.

Answer to Loneliness

Connections: People are meant to form meaningful connections. These connections will be healthy, or harmful. Find meaningful, healthy connections by looking to places of love.
Church: The Bible describes the church as:
- A Bride: This speaks directly to Adam receiving Eve. A life partner.
- A Hedge of Protection: Hedges grow to provided safety.
- A Building: Is place to come together with like minded people.
Serve: All people are hurting, and need help. If you serve others, even when you are lonely, you will build amazing connections. Those connections will remove the loneliness of isolation.

I want to speak to the lonely, and I hope you hear me.You do not have to hurt. Don’t think that no one cares about you, and that you are not loved.You are loved. I may not know you personally, but I want you to know that I feel God calling out to you.I’m not a pastor. I’m a person. I’m far from perfect, and I have been lonely.

I still get lonely in my self isolation, my sins, and my past.

But, it is rare today because I am connected.

You are not alone. If you need help, then send me an email. I’ll listen to you, and I’ll help you reconnect.

I want to thank Pastor Randy Phillips for the continued inspiration he gives in his sermons. Come do life with us at LifeAustin Church.

Question: Have you ever been lonely? How did you reconnect?

Todd Liles

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I am Todd Liles, and this is my personal blog. It is focused on "Living Well." I follow Christ, I lead my family, and teach at Service Excellence Training. Get more of Todd on Google+.

http://www.mondayisgood.com/ Tom Dixon

Isn’t it amazing you can read a verse a hundred times and not see something? Love pointing out that loneliness is the only thing God created that wasn’t good!
- http://www.toddliles.com/ Todd Liles
  
  How did you feel about the idea of something being created that was not good? I know that Lulu and I shared some very similar feelings about that idea. You?
Lulu

I don’t believe God created loneliness – I think man has. In fact God said it is not good for man to be alone therefore He created a mate for man. We, by disobedience have created loneliness – sometimes for ourselves, but more often for others. God said that everything He created was good. He does not make mistakes – but we do. Are we helping the widows and the orphans? Do we include those on the outskirts or who are new? Or do we like to surround ourselves with others who think the same, are cool or make us feel better about ourselves? These are not bad things – good friends are a gift from God – but we are to love the unlovely. There are times we may “feel” lonely – but we are never alone!
On a personal note – I can relate, sadly, to your childhood experiences. I took the “not wanting to be a burden to anyone” to the extremes and tried to become invisible. I sought out dark unused places to hide. It was my only solace – a place of peace. I have fought for years to break out of the introvert shell. I am so thankful that the Lord reached down into this lonely dark child’s life and redeemed me to Him through His Son at the age of 12. The only “good” outcome to a very sad situation is that I am sensitive to those not included, sitting to the side or not participating. It is a personal goal to bring a light into their eyes, even for a moment.
Thank you for bringing something to light that we can actually make a difference in doing – making those connections!
- http://www.toddliles.com/ Todd Liles
  
  Lulu – Thank you for sharing.
  
  I share your feelings about God only creating “good.” As a matter of fact, I was a little offended when I heard my pastor make his statement. So, I looked it up. That’s what the modern translation says.
  
  I’m no scholar, so there may be a much bigger meaning to the words they original used. Such as “Not good = Not good AND not evil.” Just, not good. As in it can be better. I don’t think that means there was a mistake. Just a part of the plan. Jesus (God in the flesh to sacrifice) was better than not Jesus in the flesh. Whoo Todd.
  
  Thanks for being willing to be so about your experiences.
  
  I value you in this community!
  - Lulu
    
    Hi Todd – did a little more digging on the Gen. 2:18 quote. Of course one should not take just part of the verse – “Then the LORD God said, It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper who is like him”. This is after the Lord had brought all animals before Adam to name – no doubt each with its mate. Strong’s concordance gives the word “good” the #2896. The Hebrew has many meanings – some of which are fit an pleasurable. So it is not fit than man should be alone when all other animals have mates, nor is it pleasurable. No doubt Adam felt the difference keenly after naming all the animals. In the same verse God gives the perfect solution. The pattern is common in scripture – the problem posed/the solution given. The question asked/then answer given. The word good here is not the opposite of evil. Further, as God had created day by day He stated that it was “good”. It was fine, glad, favorable. When He finished He stated in Gen. 1:31 that it was “very good”. Each created thing is good in itself, but when combined and united, the totality is proclaimed as ‘very good’. Everything in the universe was as the Creator willed it – nothing extra, nothing lacking – a harmony. The Gen. 2:18 quote is often used as the basis of marriage being a Divine institution in which man lives his true and complete life. A helper, a match, was created to be at his side to lean into him and correspond. I’m afraid I’d be all over the pastor like white on rice over his statement. It is a slippery slope. To say the only thing that God created that was not good was loneliness is a slap in the face of a holy and perfect God. If I substituted the word “abuse” for loneliness, would folks still agree? Or how about cancer? Surely cancer is worse than loneliness. God said Himself that everything He created was “very good”. Who are we to argue? I didn’t see loneliness listed in any of the creation items. What man does with the good things of God is really the problem. Sorry Pastor Randy.
    - http://www.toddliles.com/ Todd Liles
      
      I really appreciate you going the extra mile on your research! Thanks Lulu.
      By the way, I notice you post rather late / or early. Are you outside of the us?
      Thanks, and keep adding value.
      
      ——– Original message ——–
http://www.danerickson.net/ Dan Erickson

I’ve used playing music with others as a way to find community. I also go to church and teach, so I’m often surrounded by others.
- http://www.toddliles.com/ Todd Liles
  
  Music is such an amazing way to connect with people! Thanks for sharing brother.
http://www.facebook.com/myladydonna Donna Jackson

Son,
I also do not believe God created lonliness, if that were so God would not have created Eve. God saw fit for Eve to be created, because He saw Adam needed someone and it said this is not good that man should be along. I belive satan is the author and founder of longliness. If satan can get us to the point in our lives that we get to that frame of mind, what can he do with us? He can sift us as wheat. Yes, I have felt lonely, islolated, low self-esteem, felt like scum of the earth, felt left-out, had no sense of direction, just totally torn down to shreds. So who was behind this? You can even be lonely in the church which is sad to say, because of the clicks and different issues. After all satan is in church on Sunday also. But back to the point satan is behind everything that is evil and not of God. He wants his people to feel loved, wanted, special and he gave us a spouse to help fulfill that void, not excluding the precious children that fill the emptiness. I did not have a good childhood, being the kid on the block from an alcoholic family and being made fun of because, our mom left us and went to N>O>, so I put up a defense mechansim which by no means was good. But that is all in the past and now I go forward, but I am sorry to say I do not agree with your pastor on this one. We have enough to keep us occupied, to rule out the evil spirit of loneliness, if we just look around at the needs of others. Now, I get lonely to see you guys, but it is not because I feel it is anything that God has done. All good and perfect things come to them that love the LORD.
your greatest fan
love mom 01142013
- http://www.toddliles.com/ Todd Liles
  
  I’m a littlen torn on this too.
  
  So, consider this:
  
  1. God said “It is not good for man to be alone.”
  2. This was before the fall of man and sin.
  3. Does “not good” mean evil? I don’t think so. It just means “not good.” That good be nuetral, or a moral. Right?
  
  Let me know your thoughts.
  - http://www.facebook.com/myladydonna Donna Jackson
    
    Son,
    Correct, anything that is not good can be neutral or a moral issue. The best I can say according to the Bible anything that devileth the body is a sin. So that is a huge territotial range from one end of the earth to the other. Yes if it is not good, it is evil and evil is not of God. Hate to say this an old preacher I heard one time said quote “Gas makes you feel good!” So if that ain’t neutral and involves a moral I rest my case!!!!!!! haha it is still funny to remember him saying that! Don’t be torn son, you are strong willed, smart, have wisdom get that Bible out and search!!!!!! But, God can use preachers also to get us to start searching the Bible if we have an inkling something is out of the ordinary. Trust me I know all about that. Conclusion of advice: If a RED FLAG shows up in your mind, eyesight, search it out if it is me or the POPe that says it. But I totally agree with you, not just because your my son.
    your greatest fan
    mom 01-15-2015
    - http://www.toddliles.com/ Todd Liles
      
      Mom – I had a little trouble following your stream of thought writing style on this one. Sorry. I think I have come to my conclusion. The bible says “It is not good for man to be alone.” I am pretty sure God meant, without someone like him. Because, God is always with us. God does not create evil, or can be evil. So, my conclusion is that “It is not good (not evil) for man to be alone.” And, it is the only thing (state of being) that God created that was not good, but clearly not evil.
      - http://www.facebook.com/myladydonna Donna Jackson
        
        son,
        sorry about the train of thought. Devileth is anything that is not good or destroys the body, so there fore God did not create loneliness, because it would hurt the spiritual flesh. The Bible says God does not tempt with evil, so therefore you are correct in saying it is good for man not to be alone. PaUL, paraphrazing stated I wish you could be like me, but it is better for you to marry than to burn. So yes, unless one is 100% sold out to God (which I think that is of the past) loneliness without a helpmeet will set in and this is not good. Temptation sets in, then creates havoc. We can devile the body by being a glutton, and become bound to the bed, thus loneliness would set in and that is not of God. The Bible distincly says gluttoness is a sin. God wants his people to be happy, so why would he contradict himself and make a help-meet for man if he created loneliness? Sorry about the past post, but bottom line I should have said from the get go, God saw Adam was lonely and created the woman to fulfill this void.
        your greatest fan
        mom 01-15-2013
http://danblackonleadership.com/ Dan Black

Relationships are so important for our well being. Great points Todd.
- http://www.toddliles.com/ Todd Liles
  
  Agreed. Glad to have you as a friend. Are you reading I.D.? That’s going to be fun!
  
  ——– Original message ——–
  - http://danblackonleadership.com/ Dan Black
    
    Same with me.