I don’t know the exact reason why I struggle so much with this thorn. However, I believe it has to do with at least 3 reasons.
3 Reasons Why I Struggle With Self-esteem
- My Parents Divorced. I remember my Dad leaving. That may be my first memory of him. I also remember my mom marrying a very abusive man. At an early stage of my life, I never felt the security that comes from a stable family. Those life experiences have molded the way I feel about rejection. It hurts.
- I Grew Up Poor. I thought that the teacher’s kids were “rich kids.” Rich at $18,000 a year in 94. Wow! Pretty warped, right? I always had food and clothes, so I never really knew poverty. I also didn’t know what abundance looked like either. This creates a very unrealistic view as to what it takes to survive.
- My Childhood was Very Unstable. I love my Mom and Dad, so don’t think I’m beating them up. I’m not. I may never understand their struggles. I think divorce is devastating to families, but we all have to move on…and move we did. A lot! My mom and I were constantly on the run from one place to another. There was not much stability in my early years. Never having a home base means you never settle into a sense of security.
Now, I am not crippled by my self-esteem issues. As a matter of fact, I’ve learned to struggle with the issue. I win most of the time, but sometimes I do still lose. My goal is to completely remove any of my self-doubts, while not falling a victim to pride.
5 Reasons Why I’m Winning Today
- I Forgave My Parents. Both parents are forgiven, but I very clearly remember when I forgave my mom. I didn’t learn to completely forgive her until I was pushed to a breaking point. I was a young, well respected executive in my 20’s, earning a very high 6 figure income, and my self-esteem issues were crushing me. Why? I was more successful than any of my friends, and I still couldn’t deal with my struggle. I wish I could connect how that experience led me to forgiving my mom, but I can’t. I’m not a good enough writer to explain it. All I can tell you is that I somehow understood what she must have been going through, and I forgave her. That’s it. I feel like God reached down, and plucked that thorn out of my side with forgiveness. If you need more help with this, then consider reading Healing the Wounds of Divorce.
- I Gave It to God. Thorns don’t have to be self-esteem, of forgiveness issues. Your thorn is your thorn. You know what it is, and so does God. You need to give it to him. Let him take it. You need to also know that there are lots of rose bushes out there in the world, so expect that you will get stuck again. Sometimes with the same thorn in the same spot.
- I Was Made With Purpose. “God knew every hair on your head before you were born.” I love that! The God of this universe created you with purpose. He loved you so much that he even made you in his spiritual image. That is really cool stuff! So, find your value there.
- I Surround Myself with Good Vibes. I avoid negativity like the plague. I don’t listen to traditional news, and I don’t hang out at bars. Those places are full of the woes of the world. I hang out with awesome, successful, fun loving, hard-working people. They know a thing or two about winning, and I get to absorb all that good energy.
- I Win. There is nothing like building your self-esteem with a good win. So go out there and win! You can win in lots of small ways to build big momentum. Setting some small goals that you can achieve quickly will sky rocket your self-esteem.