Dear Reader,
I asked Paul a simple question before we started recording. What was it like growing up while your dad built a $150 million company?
I was expecting the answer I usually hear. Dad worked all the time. Dad was stressed. Dad came home and didn’t want to talk. I’ve heard that story a hundred times from a hundred different families in the trades.
That’s not what Paul said.
He said it made them closer.
He told me about being six years old, sorting PVC fittings in the warehouse on a Saturday morning while his dad worked in the office.
Alan would hand him an envelope with the Abacus logo on it and five dollars inside. That was his paycheck. He and his sister would take pictures off the company website and pitch fake commercials to their parents in the living room. The business wasn’t the thing that took their dad away. It was the thing the whole family shared.
That made me sit with something uncomfortable. My business isn’t $150 million. And I know there have been seasons where my family has seen the absolute worst versions of me.
I’m working on that.
This episode is different from anything we’ve done on this show. There’s no strategy. No systems. No playbook. Alan’s son Paul is here — born the same year Alan moved to America, raised inside the Abacus story from day one. He went to college for theater. He worked at Disney. He tried starting a limo business. He spent summers as a plumbing apprentice standing in sewage up to his chest. And now, at almost 30, he’s going back to the trades as an electrical apprentice at his dad’s company.
But the moment that stopped the room was quieter than any of that.
Paul said there’s always been a voice in the back of his head. A voice that asks: would I be able to provide for my kids the same way my dad provided for me?
Alan didn’t know that voice existed until Paul said it out loud.
That’s the thing about building something big. You create opportunities your kids will never have to earn the way you did. And somewhere in that gift, there’s a weight you didn’t intend to put there. Paul carries both — the privilege and the pressure — with a maturity that says everything about how he was raised.
Alan got emotional once during this episode. Not about the money. Not about the company. About taking his kids away from their grandparents in Ireland. His mother passed away six months after they left. He said if his own daughter told him she was moving to the other side of the world with his grandkids, it would break his heart. And even knowing everything Abacus became, he’s not sure he’d make that choice again.
Here’s what I want to leave you with. Every owner listening to this is building something. A company. A career. A life. But your business is going to end. You’ll sell it or close it or hand it to someone else. Your family is the thing that stays.
The $100 million mindset isn’t just about what you build at work. It’s about what you build at home. And this episode is proof that you can do both — if you’re intentional about it.
If you’re sitting there thinking about your own family and wondering whether you’re getting the balance right, that’s a conversation worth having. And we’re here if you need help thinking it through.
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In This Episode, You'll Learn:
- What it was actually like inside the O’Neill home while Abacus grew from zero to $150 million
- How Alan included his kids in the business without burdening them with the problems
- The voice in the back of Paul’s head — and why every successful parent should hear it
- How Alan separated work stress from family life — and the one moment he didn’t
- Why Paul chose theater, then Disney, then a limo business, and is now going back to the trades
- The hardest sacrifice Alan made to build Abacus — and why he’s not sure he’d do it again
- What Alan wants his legacy to be when it’s all said and done
- Todd’s personal stories about risk, support systems, and what $600 meant at 21
Episode Chapters & Summary
1. Growing Up Inside Abacus
Paul was six when Alan started the company. He didn't get excluded from it — he got brought in. Sorting fittings in the warehouse on Saturdays. Getting a paycheck in an Abacus envelope. Pitching fake commercials with his sister in the living room. Alan made the business something his kids enjoyed being part of — not a thing that took their dad away.
Key Takeaways:
- Alan intentionally included his kids in the company from the earliest days
- The business became a source of family pride, not family tension
- Even small things — a $5 paycheck, a Saturday at the shop — taught work ethic early
- The kids never got the “dirty details” — just the fun and the pride
2. The Moment It Got Big
Paul remembers the first time he realized Abacus was more than his dad's company. His friends in school knew the name. They'd seen the trucks at their neighbors' houses. One friend was writing with an Abacus pen he'd found at home. That was the moment Paul understood — this thing his dad built had become part of the community.
Key Takeaways:
- Brand recognition showed up in Paul's life before he understood what it meant
- The company's reputation in the community became a source of quiet pride
- Alan's naming decision — dictionary, Yellow Pages strategy — turned into lasting brand equity
- White trucks with black lettering broke every branding rule and still worked
3. Keeping Work and Home Separate
Alan was intentional about not bringing the stress of a growing company through the front door. He'd share selectively with Linda — enough to keep her included, never so much that it became a burden. Paul could tell when something was wrong — his dad would stare at the TV — but the family learned not to pry. The one exception: the lawsuit. Sixty days into the business, Alan got served. That was the single most stressful moment, and he shielded his kids from it entirely.
Key Takeaways:
- Alan selectively shared — enough for inclusion, not so much it became a burden
- The kids could read their dad's stress but learned to trust his judgment on what to share
- The early lawsuit was the most stressful moment — and the kids never knew about it
- Separating work and home was a discipline, not an accident
4. The Voice in the Back of His Head
Paul shares something Alan had never heard before. There's always been a voice asking: would I be able to provide for my kids the way my parents provided for me? It's two sides of the same coin — the privilege of having a successful father and the pressure of measuring up. But Paul also calls it a cheat code — anytime he walked into an interview, he could call his dad and get coached by the person who'd be on the other side of the table.
Key Takeaways:
- Success creates an invisible pressure on the next generation that parents don't always see
- Paul sees it as both a weight and a gift — pressure and a cheat code
- Alan didn't know this voice existed until this conversation
- Alan's father gave him work ethic, not money — and Alan values that above everything
5. The Value of Struggle and the Safety Net
Todd shares his own stories — the bounced $600 paycheck at 21, the lawsuit while his daughter was being born, the performing arts scholarships he never pursued because he had no safety net. Alan and Todd agree: having a fallback — even just a parent's couch — gives you the courage to take risks. The conversation lands on a principle: give your kids work ethic AND a safety net. Both matter. Neither alone is enough.
Key Takeaways:
- A safety net gives kids the courage to take risks — not an excuse to be lazy
- Todd couldn't pursue his scholarships because he had no fallback
- The struggle of early career hardship creates respect for money that lasts a lifetime
- The balance is teaching work ethic while keeping the door open if they need it
6. Paul's Winding Path: Theater, Disney, and Back to the Trades
Paul went to college for theater. His parents had conversations. They talked to his teacher. They let him take the shot. He worked at Disney. He tried a limo business that didn't work. Now he's going back to the trades as an electrical apprentice at Abacus. Alan admits it took time to accept that his kids' timelines looked different from his own — he was a plumber at 20 and married at 21. But he sees every detour as education. And Paul's hands-on experience as a summer plumbing apprentice gave him something he can always fall back on.
Key Takeaways:
- Alan and Linda let Paul take the risk of pursuing theater — with the safety net in place
- Every career Paul tried taught him something he'll use in the trades
- Alan had to adjust his own expectations about timelines and what “success” looks like
- Paul's apprenticeship summers gave him a skill he can always return to
7. The Hardest Sacrifice — and the One Alan's Not Sure He'd Make Again
Alan gets emotional. The hardest sacrifice wasn't the hours or the stress. It was taking his children away from their grandparents in Ireland. He and Linda didn't fully realize what they were doing at the time. Now, as grandparents themselves, they understand the weight of it. Alan's mother passed away about six months after they left. He says if his own daughter told him she was moving to the other side of the world with his grandkids, it would break his heart. He's not sure he'd make the same choice again — even knowing everything it led to.
Key Takeaways:
- The biggest sacrifice wasn't about business — it was about family distance
- Alan didn't fully understand the cost until he became a grandparent himself
- His mother passed away shortly after they moved to America
- Success doesn't erase the things you gave up to get there
8. Paul Asks the Hard Questions
The episode flips. Paul takes over and asks his dad questions he's never asked before. What would you have done if you couldn't work in the trades? Did you ever make a business decision based on your family instead of the company? How do you want to be remembered? Alan's answers are simple: he wants to be remembered as fair, ambitious, kind — a good dad, a good husband, a good employer. He tells Paul that his values for his family and his values for the business were always the same. And he hopes Paul is more successful than him — but if he isn't, as long as he's a good person, that's all that matters.
Key Takeaways:
- Alan's values for his family and his business were always aligned — he never had to choose
- Legacy to Alan means fairness, kindness, and being a good father and husband
- He fired people over 20 years and still hasn't fallen out with hardly anyone
- His advice to his younger self: be curious, ask questions, make yourself valuable, and work hard
